i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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