i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
