she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
