went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
