just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
