We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
