I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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