Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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