i need an iv and a liver transplant
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
