Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
