how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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