Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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