So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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