How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
