why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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