Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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