so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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