I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
