Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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