I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
