I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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