What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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