I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
