I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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