i already hear my dad disowning me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
