I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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