I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
