Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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