I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
