my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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