i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
