also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
