I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
