He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
