i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
