Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
