She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
