Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
