you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
