the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
