Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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