this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
