FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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