Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
