dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
