he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
