So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
