he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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