I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
