No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
