you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
