Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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