She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
