I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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